Should the man pay on a first date?

Should the man pay on a first date?


Today’s gentleman faces the delicate subject of whether chivalry is still deemed as the defining feature of a refined man. In an era of feminism and equality just where do men stand on this subject, especially when it comes to paying the bill on a first date?

In these confusing times, a gentleman’s aim should now be to strike the perfect balance between honouring traditions and remaining respectful to a ladies autonomy. To achieve this, any gesture should feel appropriate and natural to the situation.

So should he pay the restaurant bill on a first date?

If a man has invited a lady out to dinner and has chosen the restaurant and often the wine, then yes he should offer to pay. Why? Because he has chosen the venue for the evening and it would be impolite to expect someone else to pay for his choices.


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Going “Dutch” is fine with friends but really shouldn’t a possible romantic liaison start off, well, a bit more romantically? There is something rather clinical about both parties taking out their credit cards at the end of a delicious meal.

The point here though is the word ‘offer’, rather than insist. The offer should be a firm one along the lines of “I invited you to join me for dinner and therefore I would like to pick this one up” said of course with complete conviction.

This leaves the door slightly open if the lady wishes to object and insist on paying her half, but hopefully she will thank her date graciously and insist that she pay next time or indeed she will pick up the tab for further drinks afterwards.

As a modern woman I don’t think it is appropriate to expect a man to pay for every date. Both parties are most likely earning an income and have their own bills, so it is quite right that the costs of dating should be evened out.

But this does not mean that every bill has to be split there and then. It is much more elegant (and sexy) to treat each other, and it should all even out over time.